Somewhere Between
by MaryFan1
Summary: A/U after 47 Seconds. Castle confront Beckett after hearing her say she remembers being shot. One shot for now.
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: As much as I love Caskett I always thought that at some point Rick should have really confronted Beckett about lying to him and in a way that he doesn't just roll over when she gives some lame excuse. This is what I thought or would like to have seen after 47 Seconds when he finds out she's been lying to him all that time. So this is a little A/U. Castle doesn't go back to the precinct after going to the memorial and Beckett wonders what's going on. Also, I wasn't sure in the Limey when she talks to Lanie if Lanie knew about Castle saying he loved her or that Kate really did remember so for this I'm going with she didn't know that. I may continue it but for now it's a one shot.**_

/

It had been a draining few days and everyone was exhausted but grateful the culprit had been caught. Beckett had come out of interrogating Bobby and noticed the coffee on her desk but Castle wasn't there. Esposito had told her he said needed to take care of something but he never came back. She leaves for the day but instead of going home she stops by his loft. She knocks on the door and after a few seconds it opens.

"Beckett?" he asks in surprise, "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you." She says, "I came out of interrogation and my coffee was there but you weren't."

"I told Espo I had some things to take care of." He says flatly

She can tell something is bothering him, maybe the weight of this case, but it seems there's something else, "Is that all it is?"

"Yeah, why?" he says

"You don't seem like yourself." She observes, "I know this was a tough case and we're all drained but I know you and I don't think that's it. So what's going on?"

"Oh, you want me to tell you how I'm feeling? You want me to be honest with you?" he says his tone growing in anger

She gives him a bewildered look, "Castle, if something's wrong just tell me."

"Like you told me the truth?" He says

"What are you talking about?" She asks

He wasn't ready to confront her, he thought maybe he wouldn't, but she's here and he can't hold it in any longer, "Like you told me the truth after you were shot and for almost this entire year."

"I don't-"

"I heard you, Kate." He says, "I came back with coffee and Espo told me you were in interrogation and I went in and listened."

"You heard me what?" She asks

"I heard you tell that little weasel that he couldn't use being traumatized as an excuse not to remember. You told him, Kate." He says trying to catch his breath, "You told him you remembered everything about being shot."

Her face falls.

"Including what I said to you as you lay dying on the ground in my arms." He says

"Castle, please." She begins

"Please what?" He snaps, "You didn't have the decency to at least tell me that you don't feel the same way. It was easier for you to lie."

"How do you know I don't feel the same way?" She asks

"Come on, Kate. If you did you would have said so." He says

"Castle, I couldn't deal with it. Not then." She says, "I needed time. Time to heal. Time to get stronger."

"Well, you've had plenty of time and even though I've asked you since you still lied right to my face."

"I didn't do it to hurt you." She says

"I deserved better than that, Kate." He says, "After everything we've been through. I deserved better from you."

"Rick, please try and understand." She pleads, her eyes becoming moist

"Save it." He says, "We're done. You don't have to worry about me hanging around anymore."

Her eyes widen in surprise, "Castle, I…I do love you."

"It's too late. So, just go. Please."

"Castle…"

"I said leave." He says and turns his back to her

She starts to say something else but thinks better of it and walks out the door. She leans up against the wall in the hallway and tears stream down her face.

/

"I blew it, Lanie." She says sitting on her couch with her best friend

"What happened?" Lanie asks, she came over after getting a text from Kate that said she needed her ASAP

"Castle knows." She says

"Knows what, sweetie?" Lanie asks softly

"That I remember the shooting." She says

"Wait, you remember being shot? Since when?" Lanie asks in surprise

"Since always." Kate explains

"So, why does that upset him?" She asks

"Because when I was lying there and he came to me he told me that he loved me and I've been telling him this entire time that I don't remember anything about what happened." She explains

"He told you that and you didn't tell him you remembered?" Lanie asks

"After I was shot I needed time to heal. To get myself straightened out."

"Well, you've done that. So why didn't you tell him?"

"The longer I waited the harder it became, I guess."

"How did he find out?"

"He heard me in interrogation with the bombing suspect. The guy way trying to say he didn't remember anything because he was traumatized. I told him he couldn't use that excuse because I had been shot and remembered everything."

"Castle was listening? Did you know that?" Lanie asks somewhat bewildered by her friend's behavior

"No, I didn't." Kate explains, "I came out after and he had been there and left me my coffee but he left. So when he didn't come back I went to see him."

She paused and took a drink of wine.

"He's so angry with me." Kate says, "And I guess I can't blame him."

"What did he say?"

"He told me he knew and that he deserved better than that from me after all we'd been through." She says, "And that it's over."

"Did you tell him you love him, too?" Lanie asks bluntly

"Yeah and he said it was too late." She explains

"I'm sorry, sweetie." Lanie says, "But he's right."

"What?" Kate asks

"Look, I'm your best friend and I've always got your back. But best friends also tell each other the truth." She says, "You didn't contact for three months after you were shot and then lied to him after that. He's crazy about you but even writer boy has his limits."

"I didn't want to hurt him." She says, "I needed time."

"You can't keep using that as an excuse." Lanie says, "You did hurt him and I think it's time you own up to that."

Kate just nods her head.


	2. Chapter 2

**_A/N: So I decided to do another chapter since there seemed to be some interest. I'll keep going as long as I have the ideas to continue and people are interested. Thanks so much for the support. Also I decided to take a cue from Jon Huertas in this regarding Espo and Beckett's history._**

/

She walks into the precinct the next morning feeling like she's been run over by a truck. Lanie's words hit her hard and she knew they were true. She had to own up to what she had done. But she didn't know if it would make a difference. She knew he wasn't interested in anything she had to say or if he would ever be. She sits down at her desk and fellow detective Javier Esposito walks up to her.

"Hey, where's your shadow?" he asks, "Did you find out why he didn't come back?"

"Castle isn't coming back." She says

"What do you mean?"

"I don't want to talk about it." She says as Kevin Ryan joins them

"Talk about what?" Ryan asks

"Nothing." She mumbles and heads to the break room

"What's going on?" Kevin asks his partner, "Where's Castle?"

"I don't know." He replies and heads to break room himself

"I said I don't want to talk about it." She says again as she pours a cup of coffee

"Beckett, you and I go back a long way. We were unis together when we first started." He says, "What's going on?"

She looks at him tears spilling from her eyes, "I hurt him, Javi. I hurt him so much and he isn't coming back."

"He'll be back." Javi says softly not pushing further on the details, "Whatever it is, he'll cool down and be back."

She shakes her head, "Not this time."

/

Castle sits at this desk trying to write but only ends up staring at an empty page with the curser blinking back at him. Was this really what he wanted? Yes, he's angry with her and rightly so. But does he want to banish her from his life forever? She told him she loves him. He wants to believe that it's true. Because the truth is, he still loves her. But he's not anywhere near ready to jump into a relationship with her. Not even close. But did he want to close that door for good? He is startled out of his thoughts by a familiar voice.

"You wanna talk about it, kiddo?" Martha says from the doorway

"Mother, I'd rather not." He says

"Well then, just listen." She says coming over and sitting in the chair in front of his desk

"Mother, please."

"No, listen." She says, "I know what you told me happened when she came over here yesterday. But is this what you really want? She did apologize and told you she loves you."

"It's not that simple." He says

"I know." She acknowledges, "She was wrong, no doubt about it. But you were wrong once, too."

He sighs heavily

"You know what I'm talking about." Martha says with knowing eyes, "You looked into the mother's case after she asked you not to. But she forgave you eventually."

"So, tit for tat?" He asks, "I have to forgive her now?"

"I'm not saying you are obligated to." She says, "I'm just saying, whatever reason she had for lying to you she thought she was doing the right thing. However misguided that was. You thought you were doing the right thing, too."

"That's…that's…"

"Different?" Martha finishes for him, "How?"

"I was trying to help solve her mother's murder, to put a killer behind bars and give her closure." He says, "She just lied because she didn't have the guts to be honest. I can understand at first she needed time to just heal from being shot. But for all these months afterward she continued to lie."

"I guess you've got some thinking to do then, kiddo." Martha says as she gets up and walks out of the room

Around lunch time he decides he's wasted enough time staring at his laptop and walks into the kitchen to fix something to eat. He's stopped when he hears knock at the door. He walks over to open it to find her on the other side.

"Kate, I…"

"Please just let me in. I won't take long, I promise." She pleads

He reluctantly pulls back the door to allow her to enter.

"I actually came by to bring you these." She handed him a pair of gloves, "You left them at the precinct. Your best ones."

He takes them from her, "Thanks."

"Look, I know you're angry and hurt. You have every right to be. But do you remember when you looked into my mother's case?

"Of course I do." He says

"And I forgave you." She says

"Kate, if you're looking for some quid pro quo."

"No, I'm not." She says looking down at her hands, "But I remember what you told me when you came back to the precinct."

"Yes, I know what I said, too."

"Well, then." She pauses, "I was wrong, I didn't consider your feelings at all and I should have. I was selfish and if we're not going to see each other again you deserve to know how truly sorry I am."

She gives him one last look and makes her leave. Castle stares at the door for a moment then looks to the stairs when he hears footsteps.

"Well kiddo?" Martha says

/

The day was turning into a long one. They caught a murder just after lunch and so far they were coming up empty and it was a weird one. A guy is found dead in a parking garage with human bite marks on him. Esposito is going through the camera footage and finds something he can't quite explain.

"Yo, Beckett, you gotta see this." He says and she doesn't answer, sitting at her desk staring into space, "Beckett."

She finally looks at him, "Huh?"

"This footage from the garage, you gotta see this."

"Okay." She gets up and walks into the room

"So this is about the time Lanie estimated David Lock's time of death." He starts playing the footage, "Now, look there, do you see what I see?"

Kate moves closer to the TV and squints her eyes, "Is that a…"

"I don't know." He says, "But it sure looks like it."

The screen shows a figure walking toward the garage in Victorian era clothing and a close up of his face reveals what looks to be a zombie.

Later that afternoon Kate, Espo and Ryan are at the murder board trying to make sense of that video.

"There are no zombies, so that has to be someone in a costume or something." Beckett says, ever the voice of reason

"You don't know that." Ryan says, "Anything is possible."

"Man, come on. There are no zombies, what's the matter with you?" Epso says

"Well, Lanie should have some answers soon." Beckett rubbed her temples, "Answers based in reality."

"In the meantime we could sure use some out of the box thinking on this." Ryan says

"Bro, what is wrong with you?" Espo says, knowing what Ryan meant

"Maybe I can help with that." A familiar voice comes from behind her and they all stare for a moment

"Castle?" She says softly and looks at him in surprise

"We need to talk, but not now. Just fill me in on the case." He says handing her a coffee

She offers a hesitant smile and she takes her coffee, "Thank you."

He nods and takes his seat in the chair beside her desk, "So, what's going on with this case?"

"Well, I think we better just show you." Ryan says and they all head to the conference room

"So this is what we found." Ryan plays the video footage and the three watch as Castle's expression morphs from shocked to an ear to ear grin, "Zombies! You have a case where the killer is a zombie?! Yeesss! Best case ever!"

In spite of the churning in her stomach Beckett laughs along with Ryan and Esposito but as they walk out he pulls aside.

"Let's talk." He says

"Okay." She agrees and leads him to Gates office as she is out at a seminar

"Castle I…" She begins

"No, wait. Let me says something. I'm still hurt, Kate but I can't deny that I love you, too."

She smiles slightly

"But I'm not ready for a full blown relationship. I need time. I need to trust you again." He says

She nods, "I know and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to earn that trust back. However long it takes."

He moves closer and takes her hand and kisses her forehead gently, "I know."


	3. Chapter 3

Castle returns home from the precinct that evening to find Alexis waiting for him. She clearly has something on her mind.

"You were at the precinct weren't you?" She asks

Castle sighs heavily, "Yes, pumpkin I was."

"Why Dad?" She asks, "After what she did."

"It's not that simple, Alexis." He explains

"It was earlier." She says

"She came by after you left for school." He says, "We...well she apologized and she said that she loves me."

"Just like that?" She asks, "And you go back."

"I want to give her a chance." He says, "She wants to earn my trust back."

"And if she doesn't?"

"Then it really would be over. She realizes what she's done, though."

"If she really loved you she wouldn't have gone all those months without calling and she wouldn't have lied to you about remembering when she was shot."

"Sweetie, sometimes people do things because they're trying to protect themselves or trying to protect others."

"I just don't want to see you hurt again, Dad." She says

"I know and I appreciate that." He says, "But as much as we joke about it, I'm the parent and this is my decision."

"Okay." She says skeptically, "But it won't stop me from worrying about you."

"I wouldn't expect it to." He says with a smile

/

The next morning Castle was meeting with Gina at Black Pawn and would join Beckett and the boys later. Beckett is at her desk going over phone records and financials for David Lock while Ryan and Espo were at his workplace trying to find out any additional information about him. She drops her head, closes her eyes, and rubs her temples.

"Detective Beckett." She hears a female voice and looks up to see Alexis standing there

"Hey Alexis," She says in surprise, "You know your dad's not here."

"I know." She says coolly, "I came to see you."

"Oh uh, okay." She says, "But shouldn't you be at school?"

"I'm a senior, I'm done with all my classes. Can we talk somewhere private?"

"Sure." She gets up and they head into Gates office, "What's going on?" She asks shutting the door

"I know my dad has decided to come back here." the younger woman says, "And I don't like it."

Kate takes a deep breath, "Alexis, I know you probably think-"

"I know how much you hurt him." She cuts her off, "I don't want that to happen again."

"I know you don't." Kate says, "But you're dad and I...it's complicated."

"That's what he says." Alexis says, "But it doesn't seem so hard to understand."

"Alexis you're a smart kid." Kate says, "But relationships are rarely black and white. You'll understand-"

"What? when I'm older?" Alexis replies glaring at her with ice blue eyes, "I understand you lied to him."

"And I shouldn't have." Kate admits, "But your dad chose to give me a chance to make things right. And that's his choice. Neither of us really owe you any explanation and while I can appreciate how much you love your dad I will not be attacked like this at my place of work."

Alexis glared at her again, "Fine." She says and walks out the door and toward the elevator leaving Kate thinking _what the hell?_

 _/_

Castle arrives at the precinct shortly after lunch and Beckett still couldn't get her conversation with Alexis out of her mind. While Castle was the parent and didn't have to explain himself or his decisions to his daughter, the last thing she wanted was to cause problems between them. She loved him too much for that. Maybe in time Alexis would come around once she saw her dad was happy. That was assuming Castle would still want a relationship at some point. If she hurt him again there would be no more chances. She knew that much.

"Hey." He says taking a seat in his chair

"Hey." She says in reply

"Anything pop on the case?" He asks

"Uh no." She says, "The boys didn't turn up anything at his office and his phone records and financials didn't really give us much."

"You okay?" He asks

She smiles slightly, "Yeah, just um, frustrating, you know. Dead ends." She knows she should probably tell him about Alexis but again that might cause an even bigger problem however, she promised him she wouldn't lie or keep things anymore

"You mean, undead ends." He quips

"Castle, there are no such things as Zombies." She says accompanied by her signature eye roll

"Oh I beg to differ, Detective." He retorts, "You explain what we saw on the video."

"Someone made up to look like one." She says

He can't help but sense something is off, "Are you sure you're alright?"

"Actually, no."

"Look, I told you I need time, Kate." he says

"No, it's not that." She says, "It's just...can we talk in Gates office?"

"Sure."

"Alexis came to see me earlier." She says after shutting the door

"What?" He asks, "Why?"

"She's worried about you, Rick." Kate explains

"She shouldn't have done that." He says, "I talked to her last night."

"I think she had some things to get off her chest with me." Kate explains

"What did she say?"

"Just that she didn't want to see you hurt again." Kate says, "I wasn't going to tell you but then I thought...well that would be keeping things from you. But please don't be angry with her."

"I appreciate her worrying about me but she had no right to come here like that." 

"Well, I basically told her the same thing." She says sighing heavily again, "But I'd probably do the same thing if it were my dad. She's really all you have, you know and I don't want this...I mean you being here to cause a rift between you, either."

"That's for me to worry about." He says

/

Castle comes home not entirely sure what he would say to Alexis but he had to say something. He calls for her and she comes down from her room.

"You saw Detective Beckett today." He says

"I figured she snitch on me." She says crossing her arms over her chest

"I told you that going back there was my decision. You are not the parent here."

"I'm sorry, Dad but I don't like seeing you hurt." She says, "You forgive to easily sometimes."

"Well, that's my problem and you owe her an apology." he says, "Especially going to her place of work like that."

She huffs, "Fine, I'll apologize. Is that all?"

"Yes, that's all. I'll get dinner started." She walks back up to her room and he heads to the kitchen

After dinner Castle is trying to write and Alexis is upstairs reading when there's a soft knock on the door. He gets up and answers it to find Kate on the other side.

"Beckett?" He questions, "What-"

"Hi Castle, I was hoping to talk to Alexis. Is she home?"

"Uh yeah, come on in." He opens the door and she steps inside, "I'll get her."

"Wait, I need to talk to her alone." She says, "One daughter to another."

"Okay." He says

"Thanks." She says and heads to stairs and up to Alexis's room softly knocking on the door

"Come in, Dad." She says from her place on the bed

The door opens and she's surprised to see Kate, "Hey, can we talk?"

The young woman just shrugs, "I guess."

Kate comes in and sits in the chair at Alexis's desk, "I guess you know I told your dad about you coming by today."

"Yeah, thanks for snitching on me."

"I didn't snitch." She says, "I told your dad I wouldn't keep things from him anymore."

Alexis doesn't say anything

"I know how much your dad means to you." Kate continues, "As much as mine means to me. I probably would have done the same thing."

Alexis considers Kate's words, "Sometimes it seems I'm the only one looking out for him."

"I felt the same way." Kate says, "You know after my mom was killed my dad started drinking and I felt like I was losing him, too. I wasn't much older than you."

"My dad said you told him you love him." Alexis says, "Do you really love him?"

"Yes, I do." Kate says, forcing down the lump rising in her throat, "So much it scares me and I'm going to do my very best to earn his trust back and prove to him I'm worthy of his love."

Again Alexis isn't quite sure what to say.

"You know what made me fall in love with him? A big part of it?" Kate asks

"What?"

"You." Kate says and Alexis gives her a puzzled look, "You know your dad is like a nine year old on a sugar rush but seeing him as a father told me there's something more there."

Alexis thinks for a moment, she hadn't been prepared for any of this, "Detective Beckett?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry about today. I shouldn't have disrespected you like that. It's just my dad tends to wear his heart on his sleeve and-"

"I know." Kate says and gets up to leave, "But his heart will be safe with me."

Alexis smiles, "Thanks Detective."

Kate smiles back, "Leave the detective stuff for the precinct. Here, you can call me Kate."

"Thanks, Kate."

Kate nods and leaves the room and heads downstairs.

"Hey, how'd it go?" Castle asks from the kitchen

"Um, I think we've worked things out." She says walking over to the breakfast bar, "She's just worried about you. Plus the whole teenage brain thing."

"Teenage brain?"

"Poor impulse control." A smile plays on her lips

An awkward silence falls between them

"Well, I should go." She says, "I'll see ya tomorrow, Castle."

"Until tomorrow, Detective." He says as he watches her go

He knew exactly how the conversation went. He's been listening from the stairs the entire time. And he thought he'd never loved her more.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Their zombie case was taking on an even weirder turn than they thought. A co-worker, Charlie, Coleman, claims he was attacked by zombie and the bite mark on his arm matched the same bite mark on David Lock. Kate didn't know what to think but she kept telling herself there were no zombies. It had to be a get up. It just had to be. Ryan returns from talking with Charlie, who refuses to leave holding for fear of his life.

"What do you mean he won't leave?" Kate asks as they stand at the murder board

"He seems pretty convinced about this whole zombie thing." Ryan says

"That's ridiculous." She replies with a frustrated sigh

"Is it?" Ryan asks, "I mean he looks like a real zombie."

"Really bro?" Espo says, "I'm embarrassed for you."

"Why on earth would a zombie, not that there are any, target a commodities trader in a parking garage at four a.m.?"

"Simple," Castle says, "The more intelligent the victim the tastier the kill."

"So your saying this is just random?" Kate asks, "Killing just for the thrill?"

"It's the only thing that makes sense."

"No Castle, it's not." She says, "What makes sense is that there is connection somewhere between our victim and this very human killer."

"My theory is more interesting." he teases

She rolls her eyes, "Clearly our killer dressed up like a zombie and is trying to make our only witness look crazy."

"Well, he seems to be doing a good job of it." Ryan agrees

"What else do we know about the victim's movements?" She asks

"Well, we just talked to the doorman and Lock left his building at two a.m." Espo explains

"Two a.m.?" Kate repeats, "What was he doing until four when he was killed?"

"What indeed?" Castle asks

/

The day had continued to be full of weirdness. Castle and Beckett ended up at an abandoned factory where they tracked David Lock's movements and in the middle of a zombie walk. None of whom knew the victim. After questioning them all it was finally quiet and she's ready to call it a night when she sees Castle heading toward her from the breakroom.

"Hey Castle, I'm calling it a night. You wanna grab a burger at Remy's?" She asks casually

"I don't think so, Kate." He says rather seriously, grabbing his coat

"Come on, we can unwind. Get one of the milkshakes, too." She offers again

"No, Kate." He says again, "Look, I appreciate you talking with Alexis and I know you're trying but I think it would be best if we kept our contact strictly case related right now."

"Oh, of course." She says forcing the lump down in her throat, "I just thought...but you're right. I presumed too much. I'll, uh, see you tomorrow then,"

"See you tomorrow, Detective." He says and takes his leave not aware of the tear Kate wipes away

/

The next day Kate sits in her therapists office, Dr. Carter Burke.

"You seem distracted, Kate." Burke observes, "Is there something in particular bothering you?"

"Well, it's been a hard week." she explains

"Tough case?" He asks

"A weird one but no, that's not it." She says, "It's...it's Castle."

"What happened?"

She sighs and fidgets nervously, "A few days ago we wrapped up that bombing case. I was interrogating the suspect and he kept saying he didn't remember. That he must be traumatized. I told him he didn't get to use that excuse because I was traumatized, I was shot and remembered everything."

"So how does Mr. Castle figure into this."

"Castle heard me." She explains, "He was in the other room and I didn't know it."

"Ah, so he knows you heard him and remembered what he said." Burke says

She nods, "When I came out of interrogation he had left a coffee on my desk but he was gone. Told Espo he had something to do. But he never came back so I went to see him."

"And I take it that it didn't go well."

"He was so angry and I can't blame him. The truth is he did deserve better from me that lying to him for almost a year. I tried to explain and apologized. I even told him that I loved him and he did come back to the precinct but he said that even though he loved me he couldn't trust me."

"But he came back." Burke says, "So he's giving you another chance?"

"Yeah, but it seems like...well, yesterday, after a long day on this case we're working I suggested getting a burger at Remy's. We used to do that. But he said no. He said that it was best that our contact be strictly case related."

"How does that make you feel?" Burke asks

"That maybe he'll never really let me back in. That even though we're working together again and we still have that thing. The theorizing, even though he comes up with wacky theories. It's still not like it used to be."

"Did you expect it to be?" Burke prods

"I guess I thought we could at least...be like before." She says softly, "But I know that we can't. Not yet."

"Kate, you have to understand that he's probably protecting himself. I'm sure he wants it to be like it was, too, but it can't happen overnight."

"I know." She says, "Oh, and I didn't mention his daughter coming to see me."

"His daughter?"

"She showed up at the precinct a few days ago after she found out he came back. She made it clear she didn't like it. She's very protective of him."

"What did you say?"

"I told her I understood how she felt but her dad made the decision to give me another chance. I told him about it and then I talked to her again and it went better. I told her how much I love him and that I don't want to hurt him again and that I would feel the same way if it were my dad. We came to a cautious truce and I thought Castle felt better too. Until today."

"So, you're afraid it will never get better?"

"I don't know how if he won't let me in to show him." Kate explains

"Give him time to get over the hurt. You said it's only been a few days."

"I know." She says, "I just don't know what I would do if I lost him again."


End file.
